What my husband has taught me

As I get older, I am learning to soak up as many lessons as I can so that I can leave the world a little better for the people coming after me.

My mindset has shifted me from overwhelmed, tired mom to a woman on a mission to enjoy her life and achieve some goals. So often when we talk about building a network of support, we forget that our husbands should be added to that list.

Here are some lessons I have learned from my husband:

Ask for help: I am stubborn. In fact, I would rather overwhelm myself than reach out to others. But I have learned that if I want to maintain my sanity, it is important to ask my partner for help. He’s not supposed to be a silent partner. He’s supposed to be a fully functioning partner. Now, although it goes against my nature to admit that I need help, my life functions so much better when we tag team. Two minds are greater than one.

Set goals together: I am very goal oriented. I am a lover of sticky notes and to do lists. They make my heart sing. Anyway, each year I set several goals for myself- spiritual goals, career goals, relationship goals, parenting goals and financial goals. I love goals so much that I have created a goals planner which will be available for sale in the upcoming months.

When I set my goals, I have my husband take a look at them. It is important to me that he understands exactly what direction I am moving in. Trust me. This will prevent future conflicts. So many of us set goals and get derailed by our partners. This is because you both are not on the same page. But when both of you are working in the same direction, you are more likely to succeed together. So pull your partner aside, let him know your goals and listen to his.

Discuss your self-care needs: For years I never actually did anything to take care of myself. I wondered why I was always so tired and overwhelmed. I had ditched all my hobbies and slowly lost myself. It was not until I realized the importance of self care that my life turned around.

If you follow me on Instagram (@thehappyworkingmom), you’ll see that every Friday I do something to pamper myself. I am the queen of self care and there is no shame in my game. I call it #selfcarefriday. This has been so important in keeping me happy and in a great mood.

I had to have a conversation with my husband about how overwhelmed I was feeling. I’m an introvert, so time alone helps me recharge. I now schedule my alone time. It doesn’t cause arguments because he understands that I need to do this to be effective. I also give him room to take care of himself. There’s no joy in having two overwhelmed parents under one roof.

Men can’t read minds: Contrary to what you believe, your husband does not know what you need or when you need it. You have to first get clear on what you need and what your struggles are, then bring those needs forward to him. If you expect him to intuitively jump in, then good luck. It might not happen.

Write down the type of emotional support and assistance you need. If you’ve always had a dream for your life, let him know. I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as common sense. So speak up. A hungry mouth does not get fed.

What lessons have you learned from your spouse?

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