4 Ways to avoid losing your identity

When I first became a mom, I threw myself into my mom duties really hard. I was young and determined to ensure that I was going to be the best mom ever. But the problem was that I totally neglected my needs to the point where I looked at myself in the mirror and could not recognize myself. Have you ever wondered why moms lose their identity? Well here's my take:

1) Take the time to shift your mindset: When you become a mom, it's important to realize that your life is going to change. Your life is no longer your own, you will get less sleep, you can't just pick up and leave whenever you want, your body will change in ways you never imagined and on and on it goes.

Now instead of fighting to maintain the identity you had before, realize that life as you know it has changed. Lean into your new identity, and find new ways to enjoy your new life. Yes you can't just pick up and go, so plan activities around your baby. Can't go to the movies? Plan an in home movie experience. Can't go to a concert? Invite some people over for a dance session when the baby is asleep. Find new things you like, try new experiences and let go of the old you. It's a lot easier that you think, I promise.

2) Get to know yourself: So of course the moment you become a mom, your life changes-we all know that. But you spend so much time being fixated on your new, sweet baby that you forget to create space for yourself. Motherhood changes us. Spend time creating new interests for yourself that can fit into your new schedule. It takes some getting used to but if you don't connect with yourself, you'll eventually wake up one morning and not know who you are.

3) Find other mom friends to connect with: When I became a mom, I found myself feeling isolated and frustrated. I felt like I had no one to talk to, all of my non mom friends could not relate to my struggles. Eventually I just gave up and decided to live in my own misery. Now what I should have done is, I should have persisted, and I should have found one or two moms who clicked with me. Isolation does you no good.

4) Don't struggle silently: So when you're having those difficult nights when your baby isn't sleeping, your breastmilk isn't coming out and you're just not feeling cute, say that to someone. This is how you can form connections with others. When you share your problems with others, you'll realize that they too might be going through the same thing.

What steps can you take to avoid losing your identity? 

How to Maintain A Clean, Organized Home

How to Maintain A Clean, Organized Home

Just about every working mom I know is always trying to figure out how to maintain a clean home. When you get home from work, there's nothing more annoying than stepping over toys, piles of unfolded laundry and looking at a filthy sink.

So I was talking to a friend of mine last week and she seemed to have a cleaning master plan down. Here are a few ideas to keep a clean, organized home even though you're a busy mama:

How to create supportive friendships

Life can get lonely as a busy working mom. From work, to school run,s to cleaning up after kids, it is easy to get into an isolated rut. Here are 5 easy ways to find and create supportive friendships so that you have someone around you to lean on.

1) Be open to new adventures: The first step is to be willing to step out of your mom bubble. It's really easy to get used to your daily routine. Be willing to try new things and go to places you normally wouldn't go. For example, if you're idea of fun is catching a movie, be willing to visit an escape room or joining a book club. That way you find other moms who can bring a little spice into your life.

2) Set clear boundaries: Although it's a great idea to try new activities and go to new places, know what you are absolutely not comfortable with and stick to it. That way you stay away from people who are way too adventurous or who participate in activities that make you cringe. So for example, if you're strictly into gospel music, don't even bother joining a women's hard rock club. It would only end in you being disappointed. And when your new found friends want to drag you to an activity that makes you uncomfortable, or that doesn't fit your lifestyle, don't be afraid to say no.

3) Be fun: Friendship is a two way street. Don't expect your friends to plan all the girls' nights. Try being creative. That way they don't feel like you are sucking them dry.

4) Be considerate: If your friends are moms as well, chances are that they have busy schedules just like you. Always put their schedules and lifestyle into consideration when you are planning a trip or a night out. Try to be accommodating so that everyone can join in.

5) Don't be a conflict avoider: If you want to have truly supportive friends, you have to let them know when they step on your toes or rub you the wrong way. Conflict every now and again will actually bring you closer. But if your friend says something upsetting to you, but you pretend like it never happened, then frustration will fester and the friendship will end eventually. Learn how to address issues head on, make up and move on.

If you're looking for an online community of supportive working moms, join us in my private Facebook Group. Click here to join.

What's your favorite way to create friendships?

How To Create A Morning Routine in 5 Easy Steps

How To Create A Morning Routine in 5 Easy Steps

This week we have a guest post by Emily Swanda. She is a success and productivity coach for high achieving women.

For those of us with kids, our mornings can be the most stressful and difficult part of our day.  I am a firm believer that our mornings dictate how the rest of our day will go.  If you start out on a rocky road it probably means the rest of the day is a downhill slide to rock bottom.

Having young people to take care of makes it crucial to have a system in place so we don’t lose our minds before 8 a.m.  A few years ago I would go through my whole morning routine, get the kids ready for daycare and by the time I arrived at work at 7:45 a.m. I needed a break!  

It was only a few weeks of experiencing this stress and overwhelm did I create my ideal morning routine so I could truly enjoy the first few hours of my day and those precious moments with my kids before being at work all day.   

I have 2 sons, ages 10 and 8, and after lots of trial and error we have our morning routine down pat.  Keep in mind that I got serious about my morning routine when my oldest was 3 and my youngest was 6 months old.  The routine looks different now but the same key components are the same.

Here are the 5 tips I recommend you use to create your own morning routine.

4 Fears of A Working Mom

4 Fears of A Working Mom

Being a working mom is like riding a roller coaster. There are good days, okay days and some very bad days. Some days you can go off to work and feel great about yourself, and other days you feel like a monster. Sometimes mom guilt looms over us and we have no clue how to shake it. I've been a working mom for about 7 years now, and even I still battle with fear from time to time.

Here are some of the worst fears I've experienced:

1) I'm missing out on my kids' lives